No Sugar, Just Spice
by Kouryou Akikaze
Summary: This story was supposed to be a sequel to another one but I got impatient. Anyways, Spike learns the hard way that he has a daughter. How will the Bebop survive the wrath of a smartmouth two year old?
1. Insanity Knocks or Trouble Begins

No Sugar, Just Spice  
  
A/N: This story is supposed to be the sequel to "The Contract", but since no one is reading it ('cause I don't have any reviews for it) I took it off (but I'm still continuing to type the final drafts of them all). So in general this story is the sequel to a story that no one has read. If I get enough demands for "The Contract" I'll put it back, but for right now this will be a story itself. Also, this story takes place two years after "The Contract". And, all non-Bebop characters are mine.  
  
Insanity Knocks or Trouble Begins.  
  
Spike incased his head with cold towels in desperate hopes to calm the throbbing hangover he had received from that drinking contest with Jet last night. Other than that it was a nice day on Saturn with the seagulls flying around the ship and the rest of the crew out shopping. Suddenly a sharp pain surged through Spike's head, he unwrapped the towels and heard the sound that caused the pain. A really loud pound on the door.  
  
/Whoever is behind that door will die!/  
  
He grabbed his loaded gun and swaggered to the door. Aiming the gun, Spike opened the door and fired.  
  
'You missed!' a small childlike voice screamed out, ' If you're planning to kill me aim a little lower!'  
  
Spike's eyes drifted down and landed upon a silver haired, crimson-eyed two-year-old girl standing only 2ft 6in tall. Her only possession with her was a familiar brown satchel. Before Spike could apologize or even ask a question, the girl slipped through his legs and headed towards the "living room" of the Bebop.  
  
'And just where do you think you're going?' Spike asked while chasing the small but swift little girl.  
  
'To sit down and then find a suitable room for me,' she responded.  
  
'Just who do you think you are?' Spike questioned picking up the girl and marching back to the door.  
  
'Your daughter,' she said and was immediately dropped on her head by a shocked Spike.  
  
'H-h-how could that be?' Spike wondered out loud.  
  
'When Madison left with Julien, she was unknowingly pregnant with me,' she answered massaging her head.  
  
/Madison. I haven't heard her name in a long time./  
  
'So then why are you here?' Spike questioned again.  
  
'Always with the questions, eh?' she asked standing up, 'Well, Maman wanted you to endure me for a while.'  
  
'Spike! How are you feeling?' Jet's voice yelled out in the hall.  
  
'He's shocked but doing okay!' she answered for Spike.  
  
Jet, Faye, Ed and Ein hurried down the hall to see the person who said that. When they entered the "living room" they saw something they thought they never see, a little girl next to Spike.  
  
'What's with the kid?' Faye asked sharply.  
  
'What's with the whore?' she responded with the same tone.  
  
'Why you little-' Faye began but was restrained by Jet.  
  
' Ed has a new playmate!' Ed said while hugging the kid.  
  
In the midst of this commotion Spike was trying to grasp the fact that he was a father. His brain couldn't take it so he passed out.  
  
//////////////////////////////////  
  
A few weeks later when everything is settled down and Spike has taken to the role of fatherhood like a fish to land. We now see father and daughter debating on a situation.  
  
'I still don't get why I'm not allowed to set off small explosives inside the Bebop!' Ruri yelled out.  
  
'Ruri, this is insane. NOTHING so idiotic is allowed in the Bebop!' Spike screamed out in an attempt to get that through his daughter's head.  
  
'HA! What about the time you filled the tub with decomposing fish parts, or slid about on sticks of butter, or-' Ruri started to argue but was cut off.  
  
'Ruri! YOU did those things!' Spike interrupted.  
  
'So admit stupid things ARE done on the Bebop!' Ruri pointed out.  
  
'Excuse me while I ignore you,' Spike said picking up a magazine.  
  
'Hey Spike! Oh.wait.you're excused,' Ruri said then left to find someone else.  
  
Ruri wandered into Jet's room and saw him busy with his favorite bonsai.  
  
'Hey, Jet. What are you doing?' Ruri asked sitting right next to him.  
  
'Not now Ruri I'm working,' Jet answered.  
  
'On what?'  
  
'Why don't you bother Spike?'  
  
'I excused him.'  
  
Jet smirked at Spike's cleverness and then handed Ruri a science magazine.  
  
'Go do one of these tests and show it to Faye.'  
  
Ruri grabbed the magazine and headed over to Faye's room.  
  
'Hey, Faye. Jet wanted me to do one of these tests, do you have a pencil?'  
  
Faye tossed her a pencil.  
  
'Just stay out of my hair, kid.'  
  
'Who would want to be in your hair? It's all greasy and it smells bad,' Ruri muttered to herself as she left.  
  
  
  
Ruri found a nice spot near the front of the Bebop to do an intelligence test. She read and answered away and was on a roll when Ed and Ein came along.  
  
'What is Ruri doing?' she asked putting her niece in her lap.  
  
Ein lied down near them and became a footstool for both, but he didn't care.  
  
'I am doing an intelligence test, so I can prove once and for all that I am the smartest girl in the universe!' Ruri stated unaware of Ed's rolled eyes.  
  
  
  
Jet came in the "living room" and sat down near Spike.  
  
'You know leaving Ruri alone to wander about the Bebop isn't such a good idea,' Jet said matter-of-factly.  
  
'Oh shit!' Spike exclaimed while dashing up to seek Ruri.  
  
Soon he found Ruri sitting on Ed's lap scribbling some stuff on a magazine.  
  
'What are you two doing?' Spike asked in hopes it doesn't involve the ISSP.  
  
'I took an intelligence test in Jet's science magazine and I'm counting up my points,' Ruri stated proudly.  
  
' Ed is being a good aunt by watching her,' Ed said.  
  
'Okay. One.um.one. Now to look it up on the chart. "One to fifty: You are an imbecile." That's insane. I'm not an imbecile, and I don't even know what that is,' Ruri said puzzled.  
  
'Touché' both Ed and Spike said.  
  
  
  
After Spike explained what an imbecile is and Jet's magazine reduced to shreds, the four walked to the kitchen. Ruri asked what was being cooked.  
  
'I'm cooking veggie loaf for everyone,' Jet answered proudly.  
  
'Veggie loaf, but I wanted eel! I hate vegitles' Ruri yelled.  
  
'You eat any plant that you can get your hands on,' Faye reminded Ruri.  
  
'Technically I'm just chewing them and spitting them out,' Ruri responded.  
  
'There's a whole other problem,' Spike said.  
  
'Oh. It's almost time for "Bigshot",' Jet said when he looked at his watch.  
  
Everyone left except little Ruri.  
  
  
  
Fifteen minutes later Ruri walked in looking smug.  
  
'I told you not to make veggie loaf and you shouldn't have left it on the counter, because I ate it all! I ate it so none of you could have it and it was disgusting! I ate it oregano and all!' Ruri yelled out in triumph.  
  
'The veggie loaf is in the oven. What you ate was Ed's bean sprout. Dirt and all,' Jet corrected.  
  
'Well, that makes sense,' Ruri said.  
  
'Aw. And the bean sprout just sprouted,' Ed whined.  
  
'Ruri, why don't you make some friends?' Faye suggested.  
  
Suddenly, Ruri ran to her closet turned room.  
  
How will Ruri make new friends? Find out in chapter two. 


	2. Making a New Friend

A/N: Just to let anyone know Ruri, a two-year-old, has an extended vocabulary because I made it that way and to me it's funny. Yep, I think there's something humorous about a smart mouth two-year-old. And the science magazine thing, have you ever gotten one of those really scientific magazine that you can't even understand the name of it? That's the type of magazine Ruri got. Additionally, I might put "The Contract" back up, and just to let everyone know it's a mystery/action story with a bit of blood mixed in it with not much humor. When ever I write a dark story I make its sequel humorous. And, all non-Bebop characters are mine.  
  
Making a New Friend  
  
Ruri worked in her closet turned room for about 2 hours until Faye (sent by Spike) started to pound on Ruri's door.  
  
'Hey, kid! What are you doing in there?' Faye asked in faked concern.  
  
'What does it look like I'm doing?' Ruri responded angrily  
  
'I don't know! I can't see through doors!'  
  
'Then squint!'  
  
Faye left before she could break down the door and wring Ruri's neck. Spike decided to take a turn in finding out what Ruri was doing.  
  
'Ruri?' Spike asked in a mock sweet tone.  
  
'Yes,' Ruri answered.  
  
'What are you doing?' Spike questioned.  
  
'Nothing,' Ruri said in the same tone.  
  
'Then why are you in your room?' Spike asked.  
  
'Because,' Ruri said.  
  
Spike was growing weary of this and finally snapped.  
  
'Ruri Fioni Madison Spiegel! Open this door this instant!' Spike yelled out.  
  
'No!' Ruri screamed out.  
  
Jet and Ed grabbed the irritated Spike and restrained him.  
  
'We'll give you five more minutes and if you don't come out we're coming in,' Jet said calmly.  
  
'Okay,' Ruri said.  
  
  
  
Five minutes went by very slowly as the crew sat on the couch waiting for little Ruri. All of a sudden, little footsteps were heard down the hall.  
  
'I'm out!' Ruri said holding something behind her back.  
  
'What's behind your back?' Jet asked.  
  
'Well, Faye said I should make a new friend, so I present to you Liam Montmarte!' Ruri shouted out in triumph as she showed everyone a handmade stuffed tiger, ' I accidentally made his head too big, so I'm pretending he has a tumor and three days to live.'  
  
The crew stared at the tiger and realized that they were fussing over a stuffed tiger, so they burst into laughter.  
  
'Aww. Liam is cute,' Ed said in between laughs.  
  
Ruri didn't understand why they were laughing and stormed off.  
  
  
  
  
  
Spike was learning the hard way that Ruri knows how to hide and her small stature made it very easy. He looked for her all over and eventually found her talking to Jet's bonsais.  
  
'And they are so weird,' Ruri said to the bonsais as Spike entered.  
  
'Ruri, I'm sorry we all laughed,' Spike said hugging the little girl.  
  
'Well, thanks to you all Liam ran away!' Ruri shouted.  
  
Spike picked her up and carried her to Ed, because he had something up his sleeve.  
  
  
  
Jet wandered into Spike's room and saw him making a sock puppet.  
  
'If you are wondering, I'm making this for Ruri so she can forget about Liam until Ed finds him,' Spike said.  
  
'I've got a bad feeling about that,' Jet said.  
  
/What could possibly go wrong? /  
  
Spike and Jet set out to look for Ruri and found her getting up to leave from the sofa.  
  
'Hey, Ruri. I want you to meet my friend I. M. Asock,' Spike said putting the puppet in position behind the sofa.  
  
'Well, make it quick, I was on my way to annoy Faye,' Ruri said looking up at him.  
  
'Here he is. I. M. Asock,' Spike said then made his voice sound different to be the puppet's, "Hi Ruri! It's so nice to finally meet you."  
  
Ruri was scared out of her wits and ran off.  
  
'It might take some time for Ruri to like the sock, but-' Spike started but was interrupted by Jet.  
  
'I don't think she'll like the sock at all,' Jet said then pointed.  
  
Spike turned his head and saw Ruri with a bat.  
  
  
  
Ed was working on her computer and then heard a really loud scream of pain.  
  
'Ed thought Ed hid that bat,' Ed said to Ein who just yawned.  
  
  
  
After Spike's hand was treated and Ruri grounded, everything went back to normal until Ruri escaped and headed to Spike's room.  
  
'Hey! I thought you were grounded!' Spike yelled as Ruri entered.  
  
'Hey! I thought you had sense enough to tell Ed to hide that bat better!' Ruri yelled back.  
  
'What do you want?' Spike asked when Ruri jumped onto his bed.  
  
'Spike, we have to talk. My instincts tell me that this "I. M. Asock" guy is just plain evil. So here's the deal: either you get rid of him or I will. And then I'd come to for you. "Get" you, or something. Um. You know what I'm saying, right?' Ruri rambled.  
  
'Is that a "threat"? Are you, my daughter, trying to threaten me?' Spike asked semi-surprised.  
  
'Thanks. Yes, that's the word I'm looking for,' Ruri said.  
  
'Get out of my room, Ruri,' Spike said picking up a magazine.  
  
Ruri left and sought out the sock. Spike was left in his room and began to read an article when a sudden thought came to him.  
  
/Ha. Ruri is out looking to get the puppet. And she'll probably want to enlist Ed's help in hiding the body like the last time with that chipmunk that Faye. Brought. Aboard. Oh shit!/  
  
He ran out of bed to find Ruri before she causes any damage and found her down the hall talking to Ed.  
  
'So I was searching for I. M. Asock to have it out with him once and for all. But I wasn't the only one who hated him, because I found him lying on the floor. Dead. Hollow. Disemboweled!' Ruri said passionately to a startled Ed.  
  
'Ruri, "I. M. Asock" is a puppet,' Spike said matter-of-factly.  
  
'Ack, Spike. Now that's just cruel. Even I don't think that's funny,' Ruri said in shock of Spike's "harsh" words.  
  
Spike just rolled his eyes and went to the "living room" to check on Jet and Faye.  
  
'Hey, Spike. How'd it go with Ruri?' Faye asked.  
  
'She thinks the sock puppet was disemboweled,' Spike said almost laughing.  
  
'Your daughter is a dry-roasted nut,' Jet said rubbing his eyes.  
  
'What's up with you?' Spike asked noticing Jet's odd behavior.  
  
'I'm gonna need glasses. I've already went to the eye doctor and I'm getting them tomorrow,' Jet said.  
  
////////////////////////////////////////////  
  
After the Bebop landed on Venus and Jet got his glasses, he came in looking kind of odd thanks to the new thin glasses and green shirt. Jet sat down with Ed and Ruri to see if they noticed anything since Spike and Faye were out.  
  
'What's wrong with Jet's glasses?' Ed asked.  
  
'They're new designer glasses. Like 'em?' Jet said trying to look cool.  
  
'Um. Jet's glasses don't seem "right",' Ed said.  
  
'Tell it like it is, Auntie,' Ruri chimed in.  
  
'Silence, Ruri- What do you mean by that?' Jet asked curiously.  
  
'Well. Ed means Jet's glasses are a bit "odd",' Ed responded.  
  
'Atta girl, Ed! Hit 'im where it hurts!' Ruri yelled.  
  
'Shut up, Ruri- What do you mean "odd"?!' Jet asked.  
  
'Jet's glasses just might not suit Jet entirely,' Ed said.  
  
'Pssh. What does a hacker know?' Jet said.  
  
'There you go, Jet! Give 'er a dose of her own medicine!' Ruri said pointing to Jet and then turned to Ed and bellowed out, 'YOUR TURN, ED! STICK IT TO THE BOUNTY HUNTER!'  
  
Jet took off this shirt and muffled Ruri with it.  
  
'Now, Jet's new shirt Ed likes,' Ed said.  
  
'Yeah. It's good,' Jet said as Spike and Faye came in.  
  
Spike held up some mail and passed it out. He then came upon a credit card bill addressed to him.  
  
'Why is this bill so thick?' Spike asked.  
  
'Maybe there's ads and stuff,' Ruri nervously suggested then ran off.  
  
Spike opened the bill up.  
  
'LOOK AT THESE CHARGES!' Spike screamed out.  
  
Faye glanced at the bill.  
  
'Why would you buy a thousand woolongs of fish heads?' Faye asked suspiciously.  
  
'RURI!' Spike screamed out again.  
  
Will Ruri send Spike and the rest in to the poor house? Find out in chapter three. 


End file.
